I know it might be partially me. I did get up at 4 fricking AM today and sometimes make the errant mistake or two just to keep my hand in it. But. I get this email from my darling honey boy, the man I am in love with, the husband with whom I want to grow old. You know, him. It is captioned: LUNCH????? It arrives in my work email inbox at 12:31, just in time for my arrival back at work from my usual Thursday lunch with my friend let's call her Regina. And there is nothing in the body of the email. LUNCH???? is all I get. So I write back, thought you had to work late and would eat lunch there. (he's taking class after work and usually catches a bite in the employee dining room on class days.) So I get this "nevermind" answer. So I send the following: I can come fix you something, I am alone at work and I can do that if you'd like. HIM: "No" My answer -- you seem kinda aggravated. What's wrong? HIM: "nothing. go back to work." ME: I can come if you need... So I pick up the phone. Call the house. He won't answer. I call his cell. He doesn't answer that either. I repeat. No answerez les phones. So I politely email him yet again. ANSWER THE GODDAMNED PHONE. HIM: Leave me alone. do your work. ME: WHY will you not talk to me? Are you trying to make think there is something wrong here? HIM: I vacuumed. I washed dishes. I cut my finger on a coke can but it isn't too bad. I am waiting for the cable guy and then I will go get something." I grab my purse and am outta there. He VACUUMED, fercryinoutloud! So I get home, three and a half minutes later. I sidle up to him and ask if I can fix him a hamburger steak and salad (he's on this meat and salad kick...) Do you know, he says, "I'm not hungry, go back to work." ME: "What's the matter? What is up your butt, dear?" HIM: "I cut my finger and it really bled." "Aw, honey, you'll be fine, "I say, observing the bandaided cut and the half roll of bloodied paper towel at the computer desk. "Let me fix you something, you've lost so much blood, you have to be weak with hunger." HIM: "no, I worked off my appetite." Call the fricking media. This is the first time in history a human has actually worked through that lunch time urge and had it release. The hell with NutriSystem and Slim Fast, we've discovered a real diet aid -- vacuum the house and then cut your finger. So fine. Be passive aggressive. Go wild with your bad self. Since I was home with no real good reason, I then mopped my freshly vacuumed kitchen floor, thus assuring that HE would not get in there for a bit. I was then blocked in by the cable man, who managed to track through the also-freshly-mopped laundry room on his way to the attic and back fourteen times. Augh. I finally got back to work. I think I'll pitch a tent here.
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